Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
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