we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
