i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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