she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Randomize
