that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize