You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
