I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
