Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Randomize