yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
