Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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