I accidentally had phone sex last night
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
