i can't believe i had my finger in that
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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