end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
