Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
