Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Houston, we have a squirter
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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