hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
