oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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