I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
she was so not down for the gang bang
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
