If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
