I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
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