you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
