I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
