i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
