Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
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