Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Success! We fucked roommates!
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
