How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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