haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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