my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
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