dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Randomize
