I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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