just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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