Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
