Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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