hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
