i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
