You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Randomize
