im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
