he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
You took a bar mat shot.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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