On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
