I think I died a long time ago.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
