The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
