I'm pants shitting drunk right now
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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