I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
