i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
