Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
