Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Randomize
