If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
