Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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