isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
