I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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