I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
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