i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
