just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
