Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
