Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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