My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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