I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
