it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
