my vag is so smooth its legendary
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
