So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
