Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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