so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
