Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Randomize