I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
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