I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize