Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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