My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
he shaved USA in his pubs
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
