Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
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