people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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