So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize