why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
