i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
