Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize