Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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