I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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